Back to the Doctors...

Well, I don't remember if I posted about this, but my doctor sent me back to physical therapy for my neck. Therapy just seemed to be making it worse and so I mentioned it at my follow up appointment yesterday.

She checked my reflexes and neck and asked some questions. Apparently I've been getting neuropathy and myalgias from the EDS (I'm pretty sure there would have to be something the EDS was doing to my spinal cord though for that to happen) and so she is sending me to the orthopedist for X-rays and MRI's of my cervical spine. I'm hoping they're going to look for Chiari Malformation as I have a lot of the symptoms and it would make a lot of sense as it goes hand in hand with the EDS. Of course it would suck if I have it, but knowledge is power, and Chiari CAN be fixed with surgery. My doctor did put me on Lyrica however, for the nerve pain, and I am going to go pick that up on Monday.

Hopefully I will get answers soon, and I will post again soon and let everyone know what is going on.

Goodnight Interwebs

Bad Day- Hopefully Better Weekend

So I had another bad shoulder dislocation today... doesn't usually happen even though they're permanently subluxed... =\ Fun stuff, and not much I can do about it because my doctor won't give me pain killers. Probably further injured my split tendon as well. Of course they won't do anything about that either. The physical therapy for that didn't even help. The only thing that will is surgery (which I'm not a good candidate for.)

On another note, Off to the phys. therapist tomorrow for my first appointment for my neck. I guess my vertebrae have been moving around too much or something and that's what's supposedly causing my bad headaches. Dr. refuses to give me any more muscle relaxers until I go. Oh joyous day. *sigh*

Other than that, my relationship with the bf has been really strained lately. What with me feeling like crap about myself because of the EDS and his chronic eczema coming back to bite him in the rear end after a serious dose of steroids, we've both been really cranky with each other. Not only that, but my self-destructive tendencies are starting to surface again after two years and he refuses to stand by me and watch me hurt myself. I'm gonna talk to Dr. Shadlow about that next time I see her.

Its really hard to be pleasant when I'm constantly in pain and have the fact that I'm likely going to be crippled before I'm 30 looming over me. I feel like a lost cause and that I'll never be able to be what he wants. I constantly do things to make him happy even though they hurt me. When he's so bad he's scratching himself bloody, I still help him with his lotion and ointment even though half the time I can barely walk or lift things. I rarely ask him to do things for me. Then the one or two times I've asked him to cut me a break (more to do with him wanting me to sit in an uncomfortable chair and watch him play video games, or to cuddle with him even though its painful for me) he gets mad at me and ignores me and yells at me. Not the best thing to do to someone with self-destructive habits.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being selfish and self-pitying. Maybe not. I honestly don't know. I just wish life would cut me a break for once.

Good night, Internet.

Ok, so I know I haven't blogged in a long time. I apologize profusely. Anywho, what with school, by the time I get home I'm so utterly exhausted I just sit there and either, read, play computer games (w00t MineCraft!), or sleep. Its even made my grades suffer because I'm too tired to think so no algebra or blogging for me. =P

On another note, I've got several New Year's resolutions that I hope to carry out:

1)Keep my grades up. I didn't do so hot in school last semester.
2)Get back into shape. I've gotten a bit of a jelly belly going on ever since my GP banned me from all exercise that is not yoga, tai chi, or swimming (all of which I hate!)
3)Do my absolute best to get back into Martial Arts. I know its bad for my joints, but ever since I quit when I was like 8 or 9, there's been this annoying nagging in the back of my mind that rears its ugly head ever so often. I truly enjoy Martial Arts so if that means getting a job (oh joy!) then so be it.

Yes, I'm going to go against my dr.s orders. However, I don't like being fat-ish so I'm going to do whatever I can that doesn't kill me at this point to get rid of it. Of course my joints will probably divorce me for it later, but alas!

Other than that, I've got the Bonkers! theme song stuck in my head. I haven't seen that cartoon since I was a kid, and it just popped into my head today and now it won't leave me be!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQzbm0kRY9U

Now, as I have a pounding migrane from going 2 days with no sleep, I'm am going to do just that. Good night Interwebs!

Some days are good, some days are okay, and some are just horrible. Today, I think, is one of those horrible days.

My parents have been ignoring me and giving me the evil eye all day. Just because my bf got too ill to drive me home last night and I had to stay at his house. Yeah, well, its not my fault.

So now my legs are hurting (like on fire and tingly) extremely bad. To the point I don't really think I'll be able to walk the two steps from my computer to my bed. And there's stuff on my bed that has to be moved, and I would have to turn the light out, and plug in my cell phone as well. It's 12:30 a.m. right now, and I doubt I'll be sleeping anytime soon despite having school tomorrow. Oh Joy.

Its times like these I wish I had some forearm crutches to help me walk without falling over. Or something like that...

Heck, right now I'd even welcome an Ibuprofen and they don't do ANYTHING for me...

Well, I suppose I'll try to ignore my legs and read the rest of this chapter in my latest fanfiction that I haven't been able to concentrate long enough to read for the past 4 hours XD

Good Night, Internets

Been Awhile Since my Last Post....

I suppose its been a long time since my last post.

I have not been a happy dinosaur. In fact, the past week or so, my life has sucked majorly.

The bf has been a bit insensitive towards me lately. I guess he's just fed up with how easy I get hurt. I can't blame him really. I mean, who would want to be with someone who's practically disabled. I may still be able to go to school most of the time, but seriously, the pain issues are getting bad here recently.  I won't go into the specifics of what he's said, but the things he said hurt. A lot.

On the other hand, I love him and I know he loves me. I just can't help but feel like I'm a burden to all those around me.

I still haven't managed to get a 504 plan. The parental figures think I don't need one, and also decided that I'm a hypochondriac who needs Jeebus to heal me. (Don't get me wrong, if people wanna be religious, I don't care. I do, however, care when they try to force me into believing something I don't want to.) I scoff at this.

I'm tired, and have had enough of peoples hurtful words and insensitivity for the week. I'm going to sleep and I'm not coming out 'till next Monday.

Night, Interwebs.

Wow its been awhile!

It's been awhile since I last posted.  There really hasn't been much new to post about I suppose.

School is as long and exhausting as ever. Im a bit behind in Algebra, but I hope to catch up soon enough. Other than that, I still don't understand Physics and probably never will.

My allergies are acting up. Ive had the sniffles for two days now. Part of the reason I hate living in Oklahoma. Blarg.

Ooh! I forgot, I went to the gun show Saturday and Sunday. That was fun. Saturday after we went shooting because the bf got a new rifle (a Remington 1936 .22 bolt action). He also said he's only going to charge me $100 when I want to buy his Turkish Mauser. Yay! Sunday we went with my dad and stocked up on ammo and clips. He bought me a new rock for my rock collection =]

After the gun show on Sunday, me and the bf went to the Scottish Festival. There were plenty of kilts and bagpipes for all to see. Also, never again am I eating fish and chips. Most greasy, disgusting food you will ever find (and the bf loves it). Of course its probably much better in Britain.

Erm... oh yes, my mom has been trying to avoid giving me permission for Belize/Guatemala and she won't tell me why. This really irks me, because it was supposed to be a Christmas pressie from the bf, and he was going to get me prescription goggles so I can go snorkeling. Of course if she doesn't give me permission, its going to mess up everyones plans for the next 6 months. *sigh*

Anyway, I suppose I'll go now, Internet. Bye.

*sigh*

I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of feeling like crap day in and day out, being too tired to do simple things like taking a shower. I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me just because I have a debilitating illness. I'm sick of said people who feel sorry for me trying to insert themselves in my life by saying they're just trying to help. I'm sick of being lonely because I never see my friends anymore, either because they're away, or I feel like crap. I'm sick of not being able to sleep. I'm sick of putting up with people who think its all in my head. I'm sick of having to get up every morning and go to school where I'm either too tired or in too much pain to pay attention. I'm sick of the incessant doctors appointments where I get absolutely nothing done, then said doctors appointments making me get behind in school. I'm sick of dealing with life in general.

Is it safe to say I'm frustrated? I would think so.

I'm going to go take a shower and go to sleep now. Good night, internet.

Well that's unpleasant...

For the past two days, I have noticed a large, swollen, painful, angry, red thing on my face. Problem is its getting bigger. Lovely. It is now swollen to the point that if I look down, I see it sticking off my face. Its got a very large hard knot underneath it that's about as big as a quarter.

I don't think its a pimple. Off to the Dr. so they can fix it hopefully.

See? It's clearly my face getting back at me for something!

And Thus it Begins...

And so begins the epic adventure of 6 weeks of physical therapy for my shoulders. Let's hope it works this time around.

In other news, I'm applying for a passport. Why you ask? Because this winter break, my bf wants to take me traveling as a late birthday present. I will most probably be going to Belize and Guatemala!We would leave the day after Christmas and come home around January 2nd or 3rd.

The plan is to spend a few days at a coastal resort to go diving (in the case of the bf and his dad) while I go snorkeling (unless I can take a beginner's diving course), kayaking, etc. Then we would go inland to the jungle for a few days to hike in the rainforest and a few other things. The last few days we would travel to Guatemala to go see the Mayan ruins. It's not set in stone yet, but it should be really fun!

A Breakthrough and GIMP

Today was a good day, if you can look past the bad pain from this morning. I made a breakthrough in Physics. I now understand projectile motion. Yey!

Secondly, I downloaded GIMP. I love it. Here's my first graphics made with it.

Yep. I couldn't resist. ^///^

Does everyone like it? I think I will actually use this later on when we start adding backgrounds to our websites in Fundamentals of Web Design. Yey! 

Speaking of which, I coded my first XHTML website today. Very simple, but quite fun. =]

Goodnight, Internet.